Moving to Salem, Massachusetts

 Hello heart,

First order of business on my blog is to introduce myself!...and then to dump all my current feelings on y'all because duh, blooooog.

Soooooo:

I've always liked fashion, ever since I was a kid I loved putting my own outfits together, reading magazines, playing with barbies, making clothes for them, etc. I had a toy sewing machine as a kid that died in a fire and unfortunately I forgot what it was called, so it was never bought for me again. Ever since, I've sketched out croquis and styles, put my ideas on paper and lived and breathed fashion. 

My mother, however, hated my love for fashion and insisted I had no talent nor passion for it; that it would get me nowhere in the world and that I should pursue instead, something "realistic". But what is realistic for me? Anything! I could be anything I want and succeed however I want, she knows the barbies I would get from my dad would teach me that, why wasn't I expected to live it?

Anyways, I end up having an existential crisis because at this point I've gotten into an arts High School in NY and wasn't allowed to go, got moved states (NY to NJ) and had to go to a regular High School. I started a fashion club and class and designed and made costumes for plays and musicals for my school. I tried to express myself the best way I knew how without getting in trouble, and when I wanted to apply to fashion school, it was a straight no. At the time, I had no job and no means to pay for college by myself so I went with whatever my mother wanted. But it wasn't what I wanted.

I got into the best public university in NJ for Business Administration and I switched my major a couple times. Business Administration, Psychology, Neuroscience, Cinematography, Sonography, Nursing (which was the only one I was actually gonna go through with). I moved in with my fiance's family in NJ after we moved to upstate NY, FAIL; moved in with my aunt in Long Island, FAIL; then FINALLY, me and my fiance are moving in together in Salem, MA. Now I'm a state away from all the big fashion schools and what the fuck am I gonna do?!?!?!?! Why did I do this!? What's wrong with me!? I'm gonna miss New York!!!! Why did I-

But then my fiance gave me encouragement (as he always does, he's such a sweetie) and I decided, oh what the heck, I'm moving to the spookiest town in Massachusetts, I get to be inspired again, I get to figure things out on my own and go to fashion school in Boston. I'll attend Boston and New York Fashion Week, I'll make it work!

But how am I gonna keep myself sane during all this until I figure out a stable plan?

Blog.

...and rant:

Heart, what should I do?

I feel so insecure of myself and my fashion ability. I know I'm good at styling, I know I'm good at drawing up designs and silhouhettes, I know I can sew pretty good. But what if I go to fashion school and fail? What if I go intern at NYFW and I FAIL?!?! 

Everyone wants me to be someone I'm not, something I'm not. Some successful person in medicine or law or something that doesn't sound disappointing in a family full of lawyers, doctors, and medical personnel. My dad's a singer/songwriter and even HE finds my ambition for fashion absurd. I mean COME ON!

I've cut contact with all my family while I make this move and probably for the rest of my life because I'm just so SICK of people telling me what to do and what to be and voicing their opinion on how disappointing I am and FUELING my own thoughts of how much of a disappointment I am and UGH

I've HAD IT!

So yeah, I move to Salem in a week and I'm working my ass off to make things work. So is my fiance, but gosh if it isn't nerve wracking. So join me on my journey towards studying fashion marketing; trying to be a content creator to get my name and ideas out there, and getting inspired in a brand new state, in a brand new city by myself for the first time with no inhibitions or obstacles created by my family.

This is Amelia signing off,

much love and much passion,

Buh bye!